The silent screams
by Staryoho11
Summary: Justin Foley and Madison Dempsey were what most would call a cliché highschool romance which would soon end. But if you looked deeper into the story, the way Hannah Baker did, you'd be surprised at the skeletons you would find.
1. The Cast

Maddie Ziegler as Maddie Dempsey

"I thought love was peaceful and pain free and then I realized that it was so much more but I wouldn't change it as long as I always felt it with him."

Brandon Flynn as Justin Foley

"I never thought someone could love me but just the look in her eye told me differently."

The rest of the "Thirteen Reasons Why" cast as themselves

"They've been in love since they were eleven they just never knew it."


	2. Chapter one

10 years old.

The Dempsey's walked through the door of the adoption agency they had been going to for the last week to see the children they could give a home to. They weren't suprised to see the girl they had learned whose name was Maddie spinning in the dance room. They had been there everyday for the past week and each kid did something different but Maddie was always in the dance room and if the other girls were there stretching or working as well she seemed to stand out, to them at least. Maddie didn't focus on the family like the other children did, she never did, she was used to being singled out by the family and then when they figured out her past they would say things along the lines of her being too problematic for them and they would adopt another child. Maddie took dance seriously where the other girls just seemed to do it to pass time as they didn't really have many friends because they couldn't stay out past a certain time and they couldn't have people over. The small family of four stood in the door way with the woman who ran the agency next to them, the parents were taking mental notes of each child because they wanted someone to fit the role of a "perfect daughter." In the small dance room there were around ten children. All of the children sat in a circle watching Maddie who was spinning on her left foot, they were all in envy of her passion and motivation to dance. "Miss can we go to the back room and discuss some things?" Mrs. Dempsey asks pushing her purse chain up on her shoulder and the older woman with light gray hair and glasses nods as she takes them to the back room where they were at the first day they came in. There were three seats so Mr. and Mrs. Dempsey sat down with their son, Zach, to the right of them and their daughter, May, sat on her fathers lap. "So have you choosen or narrowed the options?" The older woman, Haleigh, asks with a smile grabbing the file and pushing her glasses up as she opens it. "Honey, I like Maddie, the one always in the dance room." Mrs. Dempsey says smiling to her husband and he nods in agreement. "But it's not just are choice sweetheart, Zach honey did you like any of them more than others?" Mr. Dempsey asks leaning forward without pushing May off his lap to look at his ten year old son. "I like Maddie too. She seemed nice, and maybe she can be on the dance team and I can be on the basketball time and be those cool siblings that are popular!" Zach said smiling as he had always dreamed about being a popular and great basketball player, mostly his only friends were a few kids he played basketball with outside of school. They couldn't ask May since she was too young to put in a good choice though she nodded along with a smile as her brother spoke. Mr. Dempsey then smiles and nod turning back to the lady. "Maddie. We would like to adopt Maddie." He says in sure tone.

"Sir it is procedure that we must tell you everything about the child before hand." The woman says with a failing smile as she removes her glasses afriad that yet again another family would change their minds about the sweet young girl. "Let's hear about her then." Mrs. Dempsey says straightening up. "Okay, I must warn you Maddie was not just put up for adotption she was taken out of an abusive home when she was eight years old." Haleigh says with a small sad smile as she looks and watched the smile fall from their faces. "Continue." Mr. Dempsey says nodding.

"Her mother had married someone very bad. He would bruise and hurt her mother and would force her to take drugs while pregnant with Maddie, so if you still take her in there are certain medications she has to have and certain things she can't have because she was born an addict." Haleigh says still sad but she was gaining hope as this was the first time a family hadn't already changed their minds.

"When she was born her mother went to jail and her father went to a different country and is not allowed back, as he was only here because of being a foreign exchange student. She went into foster care for the first three years of her life but her mother got her back. And once again her mother choose the wrong boyfriend. He hit and hurt both Maddie and her mother. When Maddie was six her mother got pregnant again and so the hitting stopped on her mother and was only inflicted opon her." Haleigh says sighing and stopping for a second before countinuing. "When her sister, MacKenzie, was born Maddie was taking even more pain as she never wanted her sister to be hurt. After being in that house for two more years her moms boyfriend left brusies on her ears, Maddie left her hair down which caused attention from the teachers and not only was it down it was covering her whole face. That night we got both her and her sister out though her sister is in a different home. It was best for both of them and it was their agreement." Haleigh finished the story making eye contact with the family who only minutes ago wore happy smiles but now wore faces of pain and worry for the girl. "If you adopt her you would not have to have her see her sister as they want to be separate." Haleigh says and Mrs. Dempsey speaks.

"Honey, I think we should still take her in, she needs a home, a stable one at that."

"Is she problematic or disruptive or have bad behavior?" Mr. Dempsey asks Haleigh as he knew some children after being through a hard life were not always sweethearts. "No she's a well behaved, smart, kind, passionate, and talented young girl." Haleigh says with a smile as she brings out Maddies file happy to finally put it in the success files. "We'll do it." Mr. Dempsey says with a smile and Haleigh stamps on both of the files a success.

The Dempseys and Haleigh walk into the dance room this time catching attention of all the girls, even Maddie, as the girls always had to pay attention and clap when one was adopted even if it hurt when it wasn't you. Maddie stared at the family the girls saw a blank look though the family and Haleigh could see the want, and sadness behind it as she stood with her hands on her sides as she was trying to catch her breath. "They have made a dission today, one of you girls are lucky enough to go home with the Dempseys today. Are you ready to hear who?" Haleigh asks with a smile looking at the girls who eagerly nodded other than Maddie who just stared at the boy, Zach, who was smiling at her. "Maddie! Maddie they picked you." Haleigh says with a smile and all the girls cheered for her while she covered her mouth tears in her eyes as she began to cry, she was picked, finally. She looked up and the family and they opened their arms as she walked into them hugging each of them. Mrs. Dempsey hugged her back with tears as she knew she had done the right thing, Mr. Dempsey picking her small body off the group slightly as he was happy to save a child in such need of a family. Zach hugged her with a smile as he was still taller than her and he knew she was the right one. May just leaned against her, their small bodys blending.

'This is it.' She thought as she sat in the middle of the back seat between Zach and May. 'Someone finally picked me. Someone wants me.' She thinks with a smile growing on her face.

"Maddie are you okay?" Mr. Dempsey asks looking at her through the rear-view mirror.

"Yes. I'm just..finally happy." She says with a smile as the car fades from the agencey and to the house which later would be the only home she would know.


	3. Chapter two

Eleven years old.

Maddie had been living with the Dempseys for around a year now and they were a perfect family, Zach and Maddie were as close as anyone could really be and they were all very happy together. Zach had made a few friends that weren't just the kids he played basketball on the streets with. Maddie had one friend that had bumped into her on her first day. It was Valentine's Day and everyone was happy and in a good mood, it could be just the fact that all the kids were excited to get candy and little cards with stickers, and most were hoping for cards from their crushes as well. Maddie and Zach walk into the school and go sepreate ways as Maddie got put into a different class which meant they wouldn't see each other until lunch and recess and then they wouldn't see each other again until it was time to go. Maddie had brought in a small zip-lock bag with little cards that her and Zach had filled and each one had a lolipop and a certain name on it, she had made one for each student in her class like the paper her teacher sent her told her to do. Once they got to lunch they all ran out and ate at their tables, Maddie sat next to Zach and two boys sat infront of them a small boy with dirty clothes and hair sat infront of Maddie and another boy with a clean and crisp oufit and washed hair sat infront of Zach. They talked and laughed and exchanged smiles with each other but Maddie never seemed to catch their names though she figured she would get them later on. "Alright kids back inside to class!" The man watching the kids play outside said making Maddie and the boys part ways. When Maddie makes it back to her class they finish the second side to their math worksheet then her teacher says that it is time to put everyones Valentines into their bags. Each student grabs what they had and got into a line and put their candy or card into the bag which had that persons name on the front. The rest of day they watched a movie and then the bell rang meaning they needed to leave. Zach was at Maddies class door waiting for her and she walked to him then jumped slightly. "I forgot my bag be right back." Maddie says smiling and turning around as Zach nodded. Maddie gets to where the bags were lined up and grabs the last one but hesitates in bringing it down when she feels nothing in it. She brings it down and opens it her smile leaving her face when she notices that nothing was put in. She walks out to Zach and they walk out of the doors as she held the empty bag by the top making it look like something was in it but a girl from her class comes up and grabs it crumbling it showing everyone around that there was nothing in it making Maddie quickly walk away and Zach follow her confused. When Zach catches up to her and they were on the sidewalk close to their house he runs to her side. "Maddie what happened, why wasn't there anything in your bag?" He asks setting his bag down on the steps that lead up to their house and Maddie lets out a small sigh looking down. "They don't like me much, I guess either they didn't want to give me any or the girl conviced them, doesn't bother me though." Maddie says shrugging.

"Why doesn't it bother you? If I didn't get anything I would be upset." Zach says.

"I've been through worse." She says and they walk inside, and even though she acted like it didn't bother her Zach could see it did though he didn't know how to fix it so he left it alone. Karan looks at the two as they walk in. "Hey my lovelies how was your day?" She asks but to her suprise Maddie just walks past her, her large backpack hitting her legs behind her and they hear her door shut. "What's wrong with Maddie?" His mother asks as she hands him a small plate that had apple slices. "Something happened and Maddie didn't get anything in her Valentines day bag and everyone laughed at her." Zach says sadly as he bites into one of the apple slices. "I wish I could have done something." Zach says shaking his head and as his mother opens her mouth to say something a knock at the door makes her stop. "Zach will you get it?" Karan asks as she cuts into another apple for Maddie. When Zach opens the door he sees Bryce and Justin, the two boys he had befriended, standing in his door way and in Bryces hand was a basketball. "Do you wanna come play?" Bryce asks and Zach nods turning to his mom to see her nodding with a smile making him walk out and shut the door as the three of them began to just shoot in his driveway using the hoop that was attached to his garage. As they shot they talked about random things. "Who was the girl that sat with us today at lunch?" Justin asks as he hands the ball to Bryce for his turn. "She's my sister." Zach says making Bryce and Justin turn to him giving him a weird look. "Adopted sister, but still sister." Zach says and the boys nod. "Does she not like basketball?" Justin asks as he catches the ball Bryce threw and checked it over to Zach for him to take his turn."No girl ever does." Bryce says as he had never seen a girl play basketball. "No she does, she's really good too, she just had a bad day." Zach explains shooting the basketball and missing it as it hits off the rim and bounces to Justin. "Oh what happened?" Justin asks as he shoots and Zach explains it again making Bryce and Justin both wonder how someone could be so cruel. "I got to go. I'll be back in a bit." Justin says walking off.

Maddie was in her room trying to remember a dance that she had learned last week, she needed to keep her mind off the fact that everyone had laughed at her. As she had done her second spin there was a small knock at the door making her stop, turn off her music, and zip up her blue jacket. She opens her door to see the boy from lunch standing in her doorway and she opens the door up the rest of the way confused. "Can..can I come in?" He asks with a small plastic bag wrapped around his wrist and Maddie nods moving away from the door more for him to come in and he does. He goes to her bed and she follows sitting beside him. "I'm Maddie." She says smiling at him. "I'm Justin." He says smiling at her and her eyes travel down to the bag. "I heard what happened today at school, nobody deserves that." Justin says making her look down. "It's fine really but can we not talk about it?" Maddie asks sadly only for him to unwrap the bag from his wrist. "This is to make up for those jerks." He says sitting the bag down and walking out of the room though he stood out of the doorframe but close enough to hear her. He could hear the bag moving and he peeks in to watch her bring the item out of the bag. It was a small thing of pixie sticks and a small note with Justins messy hand writing. 'They're as sweet as you.' Though he had used the wrong 'they're' and he had taken the qoute off one of the pictures his mom had with one of her old boyfriends. She looked to the doorway to see him watching her both of their cheeks light up to a soft pink and Justin smiles when he knew he had made up for it the best he could, Maddie looked down smiling with her bottom lip between her teeth. Zach had watched the exchanged and smiled happy someone could fix what he couldn't.

From that point on it was like a bit of their heart swelled for each other though they didn't think much of it, yet.


	4. Chapter three

Maddie opens her water bottle downing a drink as she zips up her dance bag and jumps slightly when she feels a pair of arms wrap around her waist but leans back when she smells the gentle smell of Justins cologne. "Hey babe, you looked good." Justin comments as she, and the rest of the dance squad, had finished practice for the day along with the basketball team and cheer team. "Thanks, I just wish those girls took it as serious as I did." Maddie sighs shaking her head making Justin sit down next to her bag. "Just be glad you have such a strong passion for it." He says smiling and Maddie smiles but it faltures slightly when she takes in his apperance. Lately him and Zach had been acting weird and Justin had rings around his eyes, even worse than the days he would stay up all night in arguements with his mothers boyfriends. "Justin are you okay?" She asks furrowing her eyebrows confused since he always told her what was wrong. "Yeah I'm fine just had a problem at the house last night." He says and she nods her head putting her bottle in her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. "Come on." She says with a small smile as she nods her head towards the door so they could leave and when he looked out the door something in his eyes changed when he seen his friends though they both shook it off and walked to the door hand in hand. "Hey Mads ready to go home?" Zach asks and Maddie nods taking the keys from Zachs hand. "Go start the car I have to talk to Justin." Zach says making her once again look confused though she just nods and walks to the car.

Zach and Justin stood to the couner away from the other guys so they could speak without being heard. "Are you sure she hasn't gotten them yet?" Justin asked

"Yes dude I'm sure I've been keeping an eye out but I don't know how we can keep her from seeing them." Zach said in a sad and despreate voice, he didn't want his sister to hear what had happened to her, what he or Justin had done, and he never wanted her to feel like she had costed Hannah her life. "Okay we need to think who is before Maddie in the tapes?" Justin asks running his hand through his hair.

"Sheri isn't it?"

"Dude, we can't stop her even if we tried she's a girl." Justin says kicking the locker. "We can try and figure this out but I have to go to the car before Maddie comes back in." Zach says making Justin nod as his best friend leaves.

Maddie and Zach come home walking through the door having both of them take off their shoes and set them on the mat. "Hey Mom." Zach says smiling as he sits down at the small table bar that they sat at everyday after school where May was already setting because she gets home before them. "Hey loves how was school?" She asks handing them both and apple. "Good, nothing really eventful happened today." Zach says and bites into his apple making their mom turn to Maddie. "And your day young lady?" She asks.

"Pretty good, we had our test in Math but I'm not worried about it." Maddie says doing the same as Zach and taking a bite out of her apple. "And practice for all of you since I haven't asked May yet."

"Good my flute needs a new reed soon though." May says reminding their mother of her concert coming up making her nod and write it on a peice of paper and putting it on the fridge. "Zach?"

"Good. We made a few plans for our next game."

"Maddie?"

"Could have been better." Maddie says with a shrug. "The girls don't take dance seriously." She says throwing her apple core into the trashcan. "Nobody is going to take it as seriously as you are sweetheart, just give them some time, and in the mean time you still get the spotlight." She points out with a smile as she nods letting all of the siblings grab their bags and walk upstairs to their bedrooms and Maddie was lucky enough to get her own last year.

Maddie sets her bags down on her floor next to her bed and she lets her hair down out the tight bun and ties back the sides and clips it with a white bow that way it stayed out of her face while she did her homework. She takes her clothes from her bag and walks into her bathroom and sets them in her dirty clothes basket. When she goes back her bag something on her bed catches her eye but before she can turn back to it to get a better look her phone goes off. She grabs it out of her bag and answers it without looking at the caller ID. "Hello?" She says grabbing her english binder. "Hey babe are you busy?" Justins voice asks.

"I have homework, why?" Maddie asks

"Oh never mind I just wanted to hang, call me when you're finished alright?" Justin asks making Maddie smile and zip up her bag as she grabs the pencil. "Of course, love you."

"Love you." Justin says and hangs up making Maddie set down on her bed and set her phone and work on her bed. She looks over to what had caught her eye to see a rectangle package with paper around it and in blue maker it said 'Maddie' in bold letters. In confusion Maddie rips the top bringing out a shoe box which she sets on her lap and looks inside it to see serveral cassett tapes. Maddie grabs a old cassett player out of her closet and sets the tape labled '1' in and sets the player on her desk and stands up getting ready to walk to her desk to start her work when her eyes immeditally look up going wipe, her face almost blank of any emotion as she heard the voice she never though she would hear again.

"Hey it's Hannah, Hannah Baker."


	5. Chapter four

After she heard those five words she all but tripped over her own feet to press the pause button. When she did and the tape came to a silent stop as she sat down on her bed staring at the cassett player breathing heavily, not from the almost trip she had, from shock, confusion, and even a small bit of sadness that had seeped through her heart from just hearing her voice. After two minutes of just sitting there Maddie became competely upset, was this a joke? It was cruel, it had taken her weeks just to calm down when Hannah had taken her own life because she had felt so close to the girl though they had a few set backs and a falling out Maddie still would never want someone to go through so much heartace that they would take their own life. With a slightly shaking hand and a deep breath Maddie timidly pressed the play button and rewinding it so it would start over and when she heard her voice yet again Maddies breath got caught in her throat.

"Hey it's Hannah, Hannah Baker." Maddie pauses it again but this time only to put in headphones as she had no idea what would end up playing and she didn't want her mother to walk in on the wrong words. "That's right. Don't adjust your...whatever device you're hearing this on. It's me, live and in stereo. No return engagements, no encore, and this time, absolutely no requests. Get a snack. Settle in. Because I'm about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically, why my life ended."

Maddie didn't have to worry about her breath being caught in her throat because due to the last sentence it was like her breathing stopped. She paused the player, for what felt like the millionith time, but wasn't even close to how much she would be doing it through out the rest of this tape, and the rest. Several thoughts were swirling in her head but one question was what she wanted answered most. 'Why did I get these?' Little did she know at the time this would be the question she never wanted answered. She hit play again.

"And if you're listening to this tape you're one of the reasons why." Maddie once again clicked pause, Hannahs voice was booming in her ears through the headphone but for some reason everything seemed to eco while her heartbeat was the loudest thing in the room. She took off the headset only to have it fall to the floor bringing the cassett player down with it causing a small crash to be heard throughout the house, yet that seemed to be the least of her problems right now, she felt as if she couldn't breathe. Maddie was staring off into space and all she could feel was the pain of not being able to breathe and all she could hear was Hannahs voice replaying in her ears over and over again, she had costed someone their life. She was practically drowning in her thoughts that she didn't hear the door open. Zach had heard the crash and came to check on her but was not expecting Maddie to look in so much pain, he made his way over to the girl but once he seen the cassett player he knew what happened. "I killed her." Maddie kept mumbling while Zach tried to get her out of shock.

Maddie had passed out and by three in the morning she woke up again, she seen the cassett player on her desk and she stood up and walked over to it. She grabbed it and her headphones and brought it over to her bed and clicked play once she had her headphones on. She needed to hear it. She knew that much.

"I'm not saying which tape brings you into the story. But fear not, if you recevived this lovely little box, your name will pop up. I promise. Anyway, the rules here are pretty simple. There are only two. Rule number one: you listen. Number two: you pass it on. Hopefully, neither will be easy."

It already isn't Maddie thought.

"It's not supposed to be easy, or I would have emailed you an MP3. When you're done listening to all 13 sides, because there are 13 sides to every story rewind the tapes, put them back in the box, pass them on to the next person."

Maddie was still so confused by the tapes, why was she on them, she hadn't done anything that could be so bad as to have Hannah take her own life, she also wanted to know is she was the first person receiving these, was she the very first person to make Hannah feel so alone she would take her life, or even worse was she the last person and didn't even recongize the signs she swore she would never miss on another person. She knew she would never know the answer to these unless she hit play, so yet again, she did.

"Oh, and the box of tapes should have included a map. I'll be mentioning several spots around our beloved city. I can't force you to visit them, but if you'd like a little more insight, head for the stars. Or, you know throw the map away and I'll never know or will I? You see, in case you're tempted to break the rules, understand I did make a copy of these tapes, and I left them with a trusted individual who, if this package doesn't make it through all of you, will release those copies in a very public manner. This was not a spur of the moment decision. Do not take me for granted. Not again. Put your finger on "C", your other finger on "4." Bring them together. That's our first red star. I know right? A map."

Maddie wanted to follow the map but she knew should couldn't risk sneeking out and getting caught, she decided she would visit the first star tomorrow but keep listening, to the best of her abilities.

"Old school, again. No Google Maps, no app, no chance for the interwebs to make everything worse, like it does. You've arrived at my first house in this crappy town where I threw my first and only party." Maddie had remembered that house, she remembered that party. Kat, Justins girlfriend at the time, had invited them over to a friends party, when they showed up it didn't go as planned so she didn't go in or anything but that was the day Maddie had first seen Hannah.

"And where I met Justin Foley." Maddies eyebrows furrowed in confusion but her heart stopped when she hear the next words. "The subject of our first tape." Maddie didn't seem to understand so she paused the player again and took the headphones off and set them down. What did he do? Why didn't he tell me about the tapes? There were many questions floating around in her head but she knew it would be better to wait and listen to them in the morning when her brain would be working better than it would be now in the middle of the night.


	6. Chapter Five

It had hit four in the morning and Maddies mind had yet to shut off and go into a dreamless sleep, or any sleep at that, every time she got close to falling asleep her eyes wondered to the cassett player and if her eyes shut well she seen Hannah blaming her for the way her life went. As she laided on her back staring at the ceiling she gave up trying to sleep and put the headphones on once again clicking play and hoping she would understand the story without going to the house that Hannah had mentions and wrote on the map.

"It was just a party. I didn't know it was the beginning of the end. Justin, you were in love with my friend Kat." Before Hannahs voice could contuine Maddies hand hit the pause button and she sat up. "No he didn't!" She nearly shouts then remembers the time and tried to calm down. She hated it, she hated when people would say Justin loved someone else, wheater it be true or not, Maddie would never know, nor did she want to know unless she was right.

"My only friend. So, you see, that's where the trouble began. That smile, that damned smile. The one and only Kat moved away before the start of school. She was the kind of friend that couldn't be replaced, even by falling in love with the boy she left behind." Maddie paused it again and slide the headphones off, the fact that Hannah was saying she had fallen in love with Justin made her heart clench. Was this why she had been put on a tape? Maddie didn't want to believe that the reason Hannah had killed herself was because of Maddie, but there was something that made her wince. Maybe if I had just stayed away from Justin then she'd still be the happy girl I met. Maddie checks the clock and it had hit five thirty, this was when she needed to wake up Zach and May. She walked to Zachs room first knocking on the door and when she hears his voice and walks to Mays room, she shakes May and when she nods Maddie walks out and too her bedroom shutting and locking the door. She quickly throws on a random outfit and throws all of her work into her backpack. She sits back down and prepares to hear Hannahs voice again.

"Being Kat's boyfriend was kind of the only remarkable thing about you, but, Justin, you were my Kryptonite." The statement had made Maddie beyond upset. That was not the only thing remarkable thing about him, in fact that wasn't even one of the things, and as far as she had known Justin and Hannah didn't have a real connection. Maddie then realized that just her thoguhts were becoming harsh towards Hannah for liking the boy she loved, what if during the time Hannah was alive Maddie had said worse things for her. Maddie let out a disappointed sigh, she hated the way her mouth had a mind of it's own.

"I was an office assistant third period. So I knew where you were third period. I even decided to like basketball for you Justin. I know what you're all thinking. Hannah Baker is a slut. Oops. Did you catch that? I said "Hannah Baker is." Can't say that anymore." The amusment in Hannahs voice made Maddies stomach turn and Maddie slightly jumped when there was a pause and she hear someone at her door. She removed the headphones and clicked pause. She opens the door to see Zach standing in the doorway with an unreadable expression. "Time to go." Zach says making Maddie nod and grab her bag off the desk though she was hesitate since she wanted to listen to the tapes. Zach seen the hesitant movements and seen how her eyes flickered back to the casset player, he sighed for a moment before reaching into his pocket and grabbing the small walkman which he had used to listen to the tapes. "Here use this, but we need to leave." He said quickly as he handed it to her and walked down the hall. She stood confused as she grabbed the tape out of the cassett player and popped it into the walkman and made sure to shove her earbuds into her pocket as she ran out and jumped into the front seat and buckled her seatbelt while she kept the walkman in her lap.

"Jesus Mads you look like crap." Zach says concerned since she had bags under her eyes and he could tell she hadn't slept. "Thanks Zach that's what every girl wants to hear." Maddie chuckles but stops when she realized Zach already had the walkman in his pocket and knew what she needed. "You got them didn't you?" Maddie asks staring at the trees that they were passing.

"Yeah Mads I did." Zach sighs Maddies eyebrows furrowed, Zach had been nothing but nice to Hannah, in fact as far as Maddie knew Zach had been nice to everyone he met. The rest of the car ride was very silent. When Zach pulled in Maddie walked out, not waiting on her brother and not going to the spot she normally did to wait the ten extra minutes for Justin to arrive with Bryce, Maddie needed to finish Justins tape as fast as she could, she didn't know how much more she could take hearing about how Hannah loved him but she knew she couldn't just quit listening. She went to a bench on the other side of the school and put in her earbuds.

"I dreamed our first kiss would take place in the park. I never told you that. The dreams started with me at the top of the rocket holding onto the steering wheel. It's still a playground rocket, but every time I turn the wheel to the left or to the right, the trees lift up like they're taking flight. And I'm scared because I don't know how to fly. But you're there at the bottom of the slide to catch me when I fall." Maddie couldn't help but roll her eyes slightly though she listened intently, had the tape been on someone else she would have admired the words, the meaning, and maybe even the hope and wonder behind them but because it was on him, Justin, she couldn't wait for what she was saying to be over.

"And that's all that happened. We kissesd. Why? Did you hear something else? Nope. We just kissed. Sorry to disappoint you, but I guess now we're even." Maddie had known that all they did was kiss. She was sent the picture Justin had put out and she had been furious, partly because she knew it was cruel and mean and partly because, just like now, she couldn't stand the thought of him with someone else.

"Sort of. See I've heard so many stories about me now I don't know which one is the most popular. But I do know which is the least popular. The truth. See, the truth isn't always the most exciting version of things, or the best or the worst. It's somewhere in between. But it deserves to be heard and remembered. The truth will get out, like someone once said. It reminds. So thank you, Justin. Sincerely. My very first kiss was wonderful. What came after my first kiss? Not so wonderful. I'm not angry you betrayed my. I'm angry I trusted you in the first place. A rumour based on a kissed ruined a memory I hoped would be special. In fact, it ruined just about everything as you'll soon see. I know you probably didn't mean to let me down. In fact most of you listening probably had no idea what you were truly doing, but you'll find out. Turn the tape over for more."

Hannahs voice had stopped and the tape was over. Maddie let out a breath, that wasn't so bad, there were a few comments she could have done without and all she could hope was that the rest of the tapes were just at the same level of bad. She hadn't heard the bell for her first period so when she took out the earbuds she was suprised to see the outside area empty other than a boy sitting in the grass infront of her. It was justin and she shoved the player into her bag as she looked exhausted. "You got the tapes huh?" Justin asks in a broken voice while the circles under his eyes were still there, like the both of them had the same amount of sleep during the night. She looked up at him with an almost blank expression. "Yeah, and you did too." She says slightly nodding as she looks down a few strands of hair flying into her face. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I thought it was best if I didn't." Justin says.

"I was going to get them sooner or later."

"I was hoping I could protect you."

"Justin, you can't always do that."

"I can try."


	7. Chapter six

Maddie was still sat on the bench while Justin was still on the ground. Maddies eyes were slightly closing while they sat there staring at each other making Justin reach into his bag, the sudden movement and sound making Maddies eyes jolt open as she sat forward more than before and then swayed to the side with her mouth slightly twitching on her left side. Maddie stared at him as he grabbed a small energy drink. "Here you go." Justin says standing up out of the grass and sitting beside her to hand her the can. "You need it more than me." Maddie says using the palm of her hand to push the can back to him but he shakes his head. "I'm used to having no sleep, plus I got it for you." He says grabbing her wrist to push the can into it and placed his hand around hers to make it curl around the can then opened it up so she couldn't give it back to him. Maddie sighed and took a sip of it. "Thank you." Maddie says and Justin nods.

"And by the way you mean you stole it for me." Maddie says chuckling for what felt the first time in forever, it make her chest feel lighter and it made Justin smile, that was the line that she said every morning when he would bring her something. "Same thing." Justin says smirking as he took her right hand when she switched which hand held the can. "It's not the same thing because some day I might have to end up bailing you out of jail and then I'll get thrown in jail because I will have to kill you." Maddie says in a joking voice though she was half serious.

"Or you could just leave me in there."

"I could never do that." She whispers squeezing his hand, this time the weight was off Justins chest. He wasn't sure if she would look at him differently due to the tape and he was beyond relived that she wasn't cutting him out of her life though he wasn't sure how long this was going last. "Good. Let's get inside." Justin whispers as he kisses her hand and they stand up as Maddie puts the cassett player in her bag. "Hey when you listen to the tapes make sure you don't do it all at once okay?" He asks taking her hand again when she puts both her bags over and on her shoulder. "Take your time. You don't want to overwhelm yourself with this ontop of everything else." Justins says and it was like he was wrestling with himself to get the right words out, he wasn't sure if he was doing it to protect her or to protect himself. Maddie nods as they keep walking and the bell rings meaning that Justin and Maddie would make it to their second period on time.

When they turn the hall Maddie was almost knocked down by her brother running through the hall. "Jesus there you are, I heard you skipped first." Zach says out of breath so it was obvious to the couple that he had been running the halls in search of his sister. "I had my earbuds in I didn't hear the bell." Maddie shrugs as she throws the can that once held a energy drink into a nearby trashcan. "Mads did you even take your meds today?" Zach asks with a sigh as he was standing next to the girl who shook her head as a sign for 'no.'

"Here." Zach says reaching in his pocket and handing her a small ziplock bag that had four of her everyday pills in it. "I should be off these things by now." Maddie sighs putting the baggie into her jean pocket as she rolled her eyes. "What are they even for?" Justin asks as he had seen her take the small pill a few times in the school when she had forgetten to take it at her house. "Being born an addicit comes with it's perks." Maddie rolls her eyes again.

"The pill makes it to where I can take certain things and do certain things without becoming addicited." She explains what she had been told it was for, though she was wrong, and Justin nods his head as Zach walks away to his next class. "See you third?" Justin asks as he makes it to the doorway of Maddies class and she nods, he kisses her head and lets her walk into the class room and to the back seat that she sat in and plugged in her earbuds as she was ahead of the science class and knew they wouldn't be doing anything besides make-up assignments until Friday.

"Welcome back. So glad you're still listening. Are you having fun?" Hannahs voice sounds into her ears though she could still hear the eco of the outside conversations as she didn't have the volume up all the way in fear that someone around would hear the voice and become curious.

"You must be wondering who's next, and why. Is it you?" Though she knew this was a pre-recorded tape and that the before hand message was not directed at anyone until she started and told who was on it, she couldn't help but feel that Hannahs words were pointed to her.

"What did you do? How did you end up on these tapes? Maybe you did something cruel or maybe you just watched it happen. Maybe you didn't even realize you were being cruel." Once again the words were coming at her like punches to the stomach that made her feel ill, no not ill, ill isn't the right word, guilty, guilty is the word to describe what she is feeling. She must of done something cruel to Hannah to make her feel this was the only way out, Maddie brings her right leg up so it's bent under her body and she contuines to listen.

"Maybe you didn't do anything at all. And maybe you should have. Too late. I think you know excatly what you did and after these tapes you'll never forget." Maddie put her hands to the side of her head as she looked in pain to the few people who cared enough to watch the girl in the back. She couldn't remember what she had done to the girl and she was afriad of what her tape would be but what scared her most was that one line, 'and after these tapes you'll never forget.' This made her nervous the almost anger sounding through her voice mad it sound so much worse and Maddie wasn't even that scared for her own tape she was mostly afraid of what she would have to remember from other peoples tapes.

"I know I won't. Oh, and, uh, by the way I'm still dead." The tape stopped for a second and then with a click started playing again the first word was 'friendship' this word made her heart stop. She wasn't sure whose tape it was but she was afraid it would be hers, they did have a good one, for the time being.

"Friendship. It's complicated. But don't worry. You won't go through it alone. That's not fun. Trust me. I've been there. Now, it won't always be easy. It might even hurt a bit or a bit more than a bit. That depends on you, but fear not. We'll get through this. Step by step, tape by tape. You and me. Together. And don't forget there are others." Maddie was in such deep thought that it made her jump from her seat when hearing the bell. Frazzeled she shoved her books into her bag and set the walkman in the front pocket, as she threw the bag on her back and brought her practice bag over her right shoulder she walked out and jumped once again when met with Justin foley who was waiting for her. "You good?" Justin asks tilting his head to look at her, she nods and blinks a few times, her tiredness had left her but it didn't seem to leave Justin and for that she once again felt it, guilt.


	8. Chapter seven

Maddie sat in class, this time they were supposed to be writing a poem, though she hadn't even started it. Maddie never slacked off in class, practice, work, or even at home so when she was slacking off in English, her favorite class, it caused confusion though nobody said anything as she had one headphone in and her hair down covering it from being seen.

"See, I can guarantee that one of the reasons you're still listening is that you want to know who are the others? Who else is responsible for my death? Well, you're going to learn soon enough." Maddie slightly shook her head and then stopped the motion not wanting any more attention than what she was already getting. She didn't want to know about the others, she didn't want to know what the others did, not now anyways, she couldn't handle the waiting nor did she think she could handle all of the things put onto the tapes. She was only listening because she wasn't going to have Hannah die an unhonorable death and never know why, she also wanted to know what she did. She still didn't know and she was completely at war with herself for not seeing the signs of someone in obvious need or help.

"And, of course, they're going to learn about you too. If they haven't already." This statement made her stomach turn and she jerked the earbud out of her ear so she couldn't hear the next sentence, she clicked the pause button. She looked beside her with her hair still down covering half her face and then sighed smoothing her hair out. While she sighed she put her head in her hands then smoothed her hair back, Justin had heard her tape, Zach had heard her tape and who knows how many other people. The bell rang and Maddie grabbed her bag but the teacher had called her back, but she still catching the confusion written on Justin and Zachs face as they stood waiting for her. "Yes?" Maddie asks.

"You've never done this sweetheart, what's going on with you? You didn't pick up your pencil all day. Should I call home?" She asks making Maddies eyes jolt open as she wildly shakes her head. "No I'm sorry it won't happen again I just had a rough night." Maddie says hoisting her bag up on her shoulders, she was upset that she was being threated with a call home when there were kids who didn't even bring a pencil and it was an every day occurance. The teacher nods letting her leave and Maddie sighs walking out feeling both Justin and Zach arm wrap around her shoulders. "You didn't do anything? It was english class Mads." Zach says sighing.

"You guys heard my tape. Please tell me what I did." Maddie asks looking at the ground as she spoke in a broken and cracking voice. Justin and Zach both looked at each other, neither of them liked when she was upset, hurt, or sad so to hear her voice sound so forced made their hearts race trying to figure out what to do. "Mads we can't you have to listen to it yourself. We're right here for you though." Zach says and Maddie nods as she takes in a deep breath and smiles. "Alright lets do this." She says refurring to their practice which was called early as they all had competitions coming up or games. Zach and Justin laugh as they look at each other and nod. Both of them grab one of her arms picking up her body, grabbing her legs,making it look as if she was sitting opon their arms, and run her into the gym. The almost soundless gym was soon filled with the laughter of the three teens once they set her down the coachs yelled at the same time. "Dempsey!" Coach Jensen yells making her run to the locker room to change while the coach for the basketball team yelled for the boys. "Dempsey! Foley!" The boys run to their locker room. Sometimes since they all practiced in the gym along with the wrestling team and the cheer squad Maddie and Zach would be confused since they were called by last name but they tried to keep it at bay so they wouldn't get yelled at for messing up.

Sweating and out of breath Maddie walks over her bag and grabbed her water bottle taking a drink of it. Maddie threw her bottle in the trashcan and walked out with her practice bag hanging on her shoulder and her backpack on her back. She walked two feet until she was bumped into by a figure running, in result of that she fell to the ground but a pair of arms went under hers so she didn't fall completely. The strong arms pulled all of her body weight up and let her stand on her own two feet. When Maddie turned around she was met by Bryce, her brother and boyfriends bestfriend, she smiled at him as he picked up all of her things that had managed to fall from her bag and handed them to her. "Here you go." He said with a smile.

"Thanks Bryce." Maddie said with a smile but before they could say anything else both Justin and Zach walked up. "We need to go." Justin said in a tight voice as he turned her around and they walked out with Zach speed walking behind them. "What the heck guys?" Maddie asks she asked setting her bags in the back of the car as Zach did the same. "Just stay away from him from now on alright?" Justin asked and Maddie nodded.

Maddie sat in her bed as she threw all of her stuff into her bag after finishing most of it for homework. She plugged the headphones in and laided down closing her eyes letting Hannahs voice and memories consume her.

"What feeling paranoid? On Edge? Yeah. High school does that to a person. You never really know who you can trust. And who you can't. Don't stop moving. It's all part of the game. But, remember, it's not a game. Not at all. Okay. Enough with the small talk. It's time to meet the star of Tape one side B. So, without further ado, let me introduce my former friend. Step up Jessica Davis." Maddie felt like she could breath slightly better, like there was a weight off her shoulders though she knew it would be back on when she got to the next tape and every tape after that until she heard her own tape. She didn't know Jessica all too well, she knew of her from nights when she woud stay with Hannah and they would talk endless nights and Jessica was one of the many topics to come up and she knew she was dating Alex.

"I met Jessica a couple of weeks into sophomore year. Apparently, we needed to be conunseled. Do adults even understand how friendships work? Porter was the replacement for Mrs. Antilly, who moved to another school district. Which, as it turns out, was very unforunate, but, that's for another tape. Thus began the story of Monet's, the story of a friendship." Maddie couldn't help the small smile that made it's way onto her face. She had always loved hearing about friendships, mostly how they were made, she had already heard this one so the smile was very short lived when she knew that this was a tape that would end up showing Jessicas true colors. Though, to her knowledge, Jessica had done nothing extremly bad Hannah might not have told her everything either.

"It was a hot chocolate friendship, good for cold moths, but maybe not perfect for all seasons. For a while, we were the kind of friends you wished you had. We did did disgusting things like shop together and compare what we bought, and talk about boys. And just like that two became three. And like before you know it you're best friends." By now Hannahs voice didn't sound forced or in pain, no, she sounded happy to remember and relive the first memories they had together, it made Maddie smile. Her voice sounded almost light, as if she was flying up out of their hearts and mind but Maddie made a promise that she would never forget Hannah, she had yet to break a promise, that she knew of.

"There was nothing two hot chocolates and Alex's coffee drink du jour couldn't fix. You need friends. Even just hot chocolate friends. Especially when your life goes down the drain. Day after day, drink after drink, we lifted our mugs and we lifted each other. In spite of our differences, we were what we each needed at that moment in time. Three drinks against the world. Two hot chocolates and what ever Alex was drinking." Maddie smiled as Hannah seemed to love the two of the teens she was talking about during this tape, though she knew the bad was close to come she couldn't help but wish these moments were all that Hannah felt.

"I'm not great at math, but here's one thing I learned for sure: one plus one plus one is not a simple equation. Alex was the first to stop coming. He found other friends. He traded up. We were still friendly in the halls, but that's it. Then it was down to Jessica and me. But then, Jessica stopped coming too. We all went our separate ways. Or so I thought." The way Hannahs tone tightened Maddie knew this was where the tape got bad.

"It was fine, Jess. It was. You're the kind of girl that boys like to like, not spread rumors about. You're the nice girl, the kind that becomes a cheerleader. When Jessica has something on her mind, she lets you know. And I knew what she wanted to talk about. Alex's list." Maddie knew the list they were talking about, maddie got best body, she figured that was Justins doing. She remembered Hannah had gotten best butt she only knew that because Zach had handed the girl the paper and had said congradulations.

"You see, that's just how it works in high school. Boys talk, girls listen and everything gets messed up. Or at least that's how it was with us. Right Jess? Friendship. It's complicated." She heard the sigh in her voice and she noticed that she had resited her first line making Maddie hope soon this would be the end of her tape, Maddie didn't know what she was hoping for. She didn't want to hope the people did something wrong, but she didn't want to hope that they didn't either. All she knew was she didn't want to go to school with someone she would be afriad of because they had hurt Hannah but from the way the tapes were going it wasn't going there, though it was still hard to listen.

"Loosing a good friend is hard, especially when you don't know why you lost them in the first place. Like I said it's complicated." Hannahs voice stopped as there was a click from the walkman showing that it was over, she rewinded it and placed the tape in the clear plastic holder and put it in the first slot. From the looks of outside she knew she couldn't listen to another one so she slide the shoebox under her bed and went under her covers and closed her eyes drifting off into what would hopfully be a peaceful dreamless sleep.


	9. Chapter eight

Eleven years old.

Maddie sat on a swing at the daycare that she had been attending for the past year. Both her parents had work after school so both, Zach and Maddie went to daycare. Today Zach was sick at home with a babysitter but Maddie was still sent to daycare. Though her shirt was white with a bright pink happy smiley face she wore anything but. While on the swing she stared at her feet, she was completely alone without Zach and most of the kids at the time were inside watching Happy Feet.

Maddie sighed getting up as she figured she should go inside but once she got near the white fence where the steps were she hear a voice from the far end of the fence. When Maddie turned around she seen a dark shadow on the other side, she walked over with her eyebrow furrowed confused at what was over there. When she got to the fence a small head with slightly long shaggy brown hair popped up. "Hey Mad Maddie!" Justin said happily as she giggle at the nickname, he had made it for her a few weeks ago due to her hyperness. "Hi J." Maddie said with a small smile some of her sadness gone now. "What's wrong?" The dirty boy asked turning his head sideways making her giggle slightly though she sighed and looked down kicking the mulch slightly with her dirty old sneakers. "I'm alone and bored." Maddie pouts looking back up at the boy who had a smile on his face now with his head in the normal position. "You have me! We can hang out!" Justin says excited since like always he was told to stay out of the house until nightfall.

"Yeah but you're on the other side of the fence which means all we can do is rock, paper, sciorrs, shoot. And I always win cause you suck."

"Do not!" Justin says defencely pouting slightly as he stood on the out side beam on his tiptoes to see the girl on the other side. "Tell ya what. We play it if you win I'll give you a present and if I win you have to kiss me." Justin says with a cheeky smile and Maddie giggles rolling her eyes. "You're on." She says as she moves closer setting her hand that was in a fist on her other hand as Justin did the same. "Rock, paper, sciorrs, shoot!" They say at the same time and Maddie had paper where Justin had rock. "Ha! Told you J, now what's that suprise?" She asks smiling making him chuckle.

"Scoot back." He says and she does as told within seconds Justin was climbing over the fence making Maddie smile. "Me!" He says as his feet finally hit the ground and he bows making her giggle and walk over to the swings with the boy. "So why are you all alone? You don't got friends?" He asks his lack of grammar showing through as they swung slightly back and forth.

"Nobody likes me. I only have Zach and he's sick." Maddie says as she kicks her legs back and forth.

"I like you Maddie." Justin says making Maddie once again giggle bringing a smile to his face. "Here." Justin says pulling out a small can of soda with a smirk. "You need to stop giving me things." Maddie says shaking her head but Justin grabs her hand off the swings chain and cups it around the can. "It's for both of us but you get to open it because every time I open a can I cut myself." He says holding up his right hand which had serveral small little red lines up and down the tip of his pointer finger making Maddie giggle and open the can with ease making both of them laugh again.

Maddie and Justin were completely hyper by the end of the can of soda making both of them run around the playground and do several other things taking out their energy. It was one of the first times they got to be children, more importantly it was with each other.

When it hit night time Maddie and Justins laughter had subsided and they swung back and forth on the swings out of breath. "I gotta go home see ya tomorrow mad Maddie." Justin said smiling as he hopped the fence slightly lopsidded and ran down the street. Headlights were seen and Karan stepped forward her eyes going from the running boy to the young girl on the swings. "Who was that?" Karan asked as Maddie grabbed her bag yawning. "Justin." She says walking up to her. "Don't get to close he's trouble." She says holding the door open for Maddie asks she pulled herself into the seat and brought up her bag with her as she buckled in and once her mom got into the front seat she spoke. "That's what everyone said about me. Maybe he just needs someone to be nice to him." Maddie said looking out her window as Karan started to drive forward sighing as she knew she wouldn't be able to change the stubborn girls mind.


	10. Chapter nine

Maddie once again woke up late, this time so later her brother was waking her up. She felt her shoulders shake and he body jolted forward making Maddie and Zach bump their heads against one another and groan in pain. As they both seperate, one falling back against the bed one standing up straight, they hold their heads then stop. "Mads five minutes hurry up." Zach says as he walks out with his backpack on his back and his practice bag on his right shoulder. Maddie quickly got up changing into an oversized outfit that made her body seem even smaller, threw her hair into a messy bun, and put on Nike slides. Maddie grabbed her bags and ran out to Zachs car when she throws her things into the backseat the front door to their house opens catching Maddie and Zachs attention. "Madison-" Their mother starts but Maddie corrects her. "Maddie."

"I need to talk to you when you get home." She says and Maddie nods her head closing the back door and getting in the front seat as Zach begins to go backwards out of the driveway. After a few minutes of silence Zach was the first to speak. "Mads you need to stop listening to them." He says, he cared for his sisters well being and he didn't know how far she was in but it couldn't be that far. "You know I have to finish them." Maddie says looking over to her brother though he kept his eyes on the road. He had an arguement ready but he wasn't going to use it, he knew, deep down he knew she needed to listen to them. The silence grew again.

Maddie and Zach got out of the car both with a Mcdonalds bag in hand, Maddie with an iced coffee, and their bags as they walk into the tables where the boys sat. As soon as the bags hit the table the boys were wrestling for the bags trying to get their meal first but Maddie handed Justin his sandwich and hashbrown which he smiles and takes saying a thanks.

Maddie seemed to zone out after that tired and none of the boys messed with her due to the fact that her appreance showed she was not in the mood. Justin was the one to shake her out of it when the bell ran which made her walk to her first class in a daze.

When she made it to her seat in the back of the class she popped in her earbuds and started the next tape as she sipped on her coffee.

"You've heard of the butterfly effect, right? That is a butterfly flaps its wings at just the right time in just the right place it can cause a hurricane thousands of miles away." Hannahs voice sounded through her earbuds and her statement made Maddies eyebrows furrow. She knew each opening statement tied in with the tape so she just let it play out waiting to hear the rest though, just like the other tapes, there was a weight on her shoulders that made it painful as she waited not knowing if it was hers or not.

"It's chaos theory. But, see, chaos theory isn't excatly about chaos. It's about how a tiny change in a big system can affect everything. Chaos theory. Sounds dramatic, but it's not. Ask a mathematician. Or better yet ask someone who's been in a hurricane. Alex Standall." The name had taken the weight off her shoulders yet tightened her chest, she knew Alex, he was friends with the guys. Had everyone she'd been friends with heard her tape? Did all of her friends have a tape? She didn't understand. How could she not see all of this. She hit play once again trying to put her questions to ease though they still floated in her head.

"You caused the hurricane. It's your turn. Little did I know you would F my L forever. Little did I know you would be my hurricane. Maybe you think I'm being silly. I'm some stupid girl who gets all worked up over a little thing. But the little things matter. For instance, you never told me when you started dating Jessica. But I remember just how it ended. With your list." Maddie remember what she was talking about. It was the 'it list' or something close to that. She didn't know Alex started it but she knew he had put names on it, Hannah had gotten best ass and Jessica had gotten worst ass. Maddie got on it for flatest chest, she been upset and pushed it away only later have to stop Justin from fighting Alex. She also knew that was how Jessica and Alex had broken up, they were back together now, but their break up had caused the boys to pay more attention to Alex.

"Alex, we hadn't talked since you two got together. And then it seemed like maybe you might not be together anymore?" Hannahs voice sounded through into her head once again and this time her voice didn't seemed to carry anything other than saddness and uncertainy. The bell rang making Maddie slide her things into her bags and grab her coffee setting her completeled worksheet from the other day in the bin and saying bye to the teacher she walked out and was greeted by Justin. "Hey baby." He said grabbing her books from her leaving her with her bags and coffee. "Hey, so Alex Standall too?" Maddie asked looking up at him confused as Justin let out a small sigh and nodded. "Justin these tapes..they're..confusing..I don't understand how these small little things could make her..do such a horrible thing. How..I could make her feel so alone that she had..no other option.." Maddie trailed off her voice small and fragile making Justin upset and fully nervous for her well being after she gets father into the tapes knowing he couldn't stop her. "Maddie, they get worse, I don't know how to make it easier for you, but know you're not alone and not all of this is on you." Justin said looking over and downwards at the smaller girl as they stood outside of her next class. She nodded and smiled lightly at him. "Thanks see you next?" She asks knowing their communications class was next with Zach and he nods his head after kissing hers and handing her books back.

After droning through a small lesson plan for a half an hour Maddie finally got to the point where she could put her earbuds in again and listen to the tape. She sunk into her chair and pretended to write answers down as she listened to Hannah.

"Is that why you did it Alex? Alex maybe you think I'm being silly, like I get my titties in a twist over the tinest things but you didn't walk that hall. You didn't feel those eyes on you. You've never heard those whipsers." By now Hannahs voice seemed to hold resentment or even saddness she couldn't seem to tell and figured it was both. Maddie, herself, had already been holding a grudge against Alex for the list, not because of her rank, but because she knew he had put things into which made her want to stay away from him, like everything she told him would be used against herself later. She didn't understand but after this tape she was hoping to maybe find peace with being near Alex or something to give her a better reason to stay away from him.

"At first I thought, what a stupid list. Jessica is so much prettier than me. I didn't think of the chaos it would cause. But it was just a joke. Right, Alex? I think I'm taking it all way too seriously. But, here's the thing, you've never been a girl. You want evidence Alex, you want storm clouds and thunder? Let's go to E3 on your maps everyone." This made Maddie disappointed as once again she couldn't go where Hannah had intended for her to go and she just hopped not going wouldn't effect understanding what she was saying.

"The blue spot liquor store. Where butterfly met hurricane. The blue spot was a block and a half away from my first house here. And I went there whenever I despreatly needed chocolate. Which, was like, most days of the week. It seems like nothing until the hurricane hits. Because when you put my name on that list, you put a target on my well, it wasn't just my ass. You made it open season for Hannah Baker." Maddie paused the cassett player and took a breath. She understood what Hannah meant by that sentence and it just seemed to get to Maddie. She understood the pain of that in two sepreate ways and would never wish the pain opon someone else. It seemed to pain her even more as she knew Alex had already listened to his tape and he didn't seem to act any different than he did before, except with Jessica, and around Bryce. Maddie took a deep breath and when she heard the bell she quickly got up and walked as fast as she could to her next class sitting in the circle like classroom and put her head down.

Maddie sat in her chair with her head down until she felt a poke on her shoulder. Maddie looked up to meet the confused and worried looks of her brother and boyfriend to which she simply put her head back down. Her head was still spinning and she hadn't even finished the whole tape. It was then she realized the tapes were only going to get worst, she wasn't sure if she could take it. She sat up running her hands through her, a nervous habit, and looking to her left when she felt the look of her brother and then to the right getting the same from her boyfriend. "What?" She asked in an almost whisper because the teacher was starting to talk. "You good?" Justin asks.

"Yeah you seem..off." Zach finishes for Justin with an unsure comment. Maddie opened her mouth to reply but she was inturputed when the intercom sounded through the class room making the whole class stop talking and look up. "I need Madison Dempsey to the consulers office please." The voice of the principal sounded through the class room amking the teacher agree and the three, Maddie Justin and Zach, become confused but Maddie slowly stood up brows furrowed as she walked out of the class room sending Zach a shrug.

As she knocked on the consulers office the mans voice sounds through the door. "Come in." He says and Maddie opens the door shyly as she brings herself to sit in the chair in front of his desk. "Thank you for coming Madison-" He starts and Maddie corrects him. "Maddie." She says in an unforceful yet sure voice and he nods. "Of course, Maddie, thank you for coming." He says to which she nods. "You're welcome. Just to easy my mind what am I doing in here?" She asked unsure, everytime she was called to the office or even a sepreate classroom she would become anxious. "I just wanted to see how you are holding up." Mr. Porter says in a tone that showed almost simple curiosity yet it made her mind race. She had rememebered his name was said on a tape, had he heard hers and he was worried about her now? She tried to keep her cool yet the paleness of her face and the fact she looked away showed otherwise to the older man. "Madiso- Maddie." He corrects himself quickly looking at the now pale girl. "Are you alright? What's wrong?" He asks.

"N-Nothing!" She says quickly her voice cracking and becoming even more high pitched. "Maddie, dear, I know she was your friend but you can't let this weigh you down. She wouldn't want it too." Mr. Porter says soothingly as she tries to calm the girl who now looked panicked. His words made her realize he hadn't yet heard the tapes, as much as she tried to believe otherwise, the tapes weighed on everyone. They had to in some way, right? She nodded quickly slight color coming back to the tired girl. "Y-you're right, thank you." Maddie says finally looking back the concerned man.

"Would you like someone to talk too?" He asks moving his chair in closer to the desk to look at the girl in front of him. "No, I'm fine really." She said in a reassuring voice as she sat up straighter to match the mans stance. "Alright, as long as you're sure, I'm always here though." He said as she nodded. "Can I go back to class now?" She asked and he nodded.


	11. Chapter ten

Maddie sat back in her seat once she walked back into the almost silent classroom. "What was it about?" Zach asks looking over at her. "Mr. Porter just wanted to see how I was doing with everything you know with Hannah. Claimed we were like best friends or whatever." Maddie said leaning back into her seat letting her hand intertwine with Justins. "You were at one point." Zach said and Maddie sadly sighed, that's why she blamed herself, if she hadn't ended the friendship with one stupid line after another during an unnecessary fight then Hannah might still be here. Somehow the boys could sense the change in her attitude and Zach changed the topic. "It's Friday and Bryce is throwing a party." Zach says hopping she would just say she wanted to go but she just said a sarcastic comment shoving her worksheet into her binder instead of doing it, which was different for her. "When isn't he?" She asks and Justin chuckles tensely. He still didn't want her near him, Bryce was his brother, sure, but he wasn't the same boy he was when they met, he knew that much and he didn't want anything to happen to Maddie. "You don't have to go but I am." Zach says and Maddie nodded. "Well I didn't want to but if you guys are going I might as well." Maddie says sighing slightly as she did not want to deal with the guys tonight, and she knew there'd be drugs and she always ended up doing something messing her up. "Babe I can just come over tonight." Justin offers speaking as he had decided it would be better for her to be away from him when he knew there'd be drugs, he normally went but there was a bad feeling in his stomach, he wasn't even sure why Zach was still around Bryce but he was determined to keep Maddie as safe as he could. "Alright. Just come to my window at six." Maddie says as it wasn't the first time she had snuck Justin in and he knew not to go through the front door unless with Zach.

Maddie sat at the large lunch table with the boys and Jessica. Unlike normal where she would be laughing and cracking jokes she sat silently with her hand intertwined with Justins. "Maddie you're quiet. You coming to my party tonight?" Bryce asks being the first to speak to the quiet girl besides the askings of 'you okay' from Justin. "No, can't make it got a lot on the agenda." Maddie says picking up a fry from Zachs tray with her left hand. "Awh man come on! You're always the life of the party." Bryce says laughing as Monty agreed fist bumping Bryce. The statement made Maddie slightly fidget in her chair and Justin took notice. She chuckled, though it was strained and forced, while her face showed laughter to everyone Justin could see the light distance in her eyes. "Yeah I know it's gonna be boring without me." Maddie says making Bryce nod smiling at her.

Everyone parted their ways to go to their last two classes. Justin walked Maddie to English since he had social studies beside it. He stopped her outside of her class as he always did. "Babe you good? You seemed a little stiff." Justin says.

"Yeah. Just tired and I'm not feeling so hot." Maddie says, it was partly true, she felt sick but not the kind she was saying, she felt sick at the fact that she had not noticed the pain Hannah was in. "Alright. See you after class." Justin says unsure of what to say as he walked into the class beside hers and she walked into her class turning her work into the tray and then putting in her earbuds once again having no intent on doing anything in class, she knew the teacher wouldn't take points off hers, plus it wasn't late, it was on time, she just always had her work done early.

"The butterfly effect. It started with Justin, then to you, Alex. And the rest of you." This one sentence made her feel queezy all over again. Hearing the almost giving up sound in her voice when she said Justins name made Maddies stomach turn and then to think that she would be there later down the line, one thing that hit her was they just got worse right? If she was down the line she was worse than Justin and her brother. That's what she thought anyways. She wouldn't understand till it was over.

"Who knows? Everything affects everything. Maybe these tapes will start a new butterfly effect. Shh. For the next one you need to be very, very, quiet. Because you're about to do something very wrong. Be careful. And don't get caught." The click for the end of the tape was heard in her ears as she took her earbuds out putting it her bag with the cassett player. The last few words made her tense up. She didn't know what it was that was so wrong she was going to do and she didn't know if she would be able to do it. Nonetheless she simply decided not to listen to the next tape until tomorrow, Saturday, and maybe the rest of her day would go smoothly.

It was after school in the gym during cheer, basketball, and dance practice. The basketball team had just began working on a few drills while the dance and cheer squads were still finishing up stretching. Ms. Abby, the dance coach, and the coach for the basketball team were across the room talking, or from the two teams point of view were heatedly arguing. Maddie was obviously put in chrage so she clapped her hands when they had finsihed stretching. "Alright girls we need to work on our-" Maddie was cut off by two whistles being blown. Everyone in the gym looked too the two coaches but the cheer squad went back to stretching. "Dempsey." Ms. Abby says nodding with her head for her to come forward so she stood up and began to walk over feeling eyes on her. "Foley." The basketball coach says motioning him over with his hand that held his whistle making Justin jog over, the two of them making it there at the same time. "Yes coach?" Justin asks as Maddie at the same time speaks. "Yes Ms. Abby?" The two teens stood in front of the coachs and the basketball coach was the first to speak. "Justin you know how we have a game coming up?" He asks to which Justin nods. "-Well we have a competion coming up." Ms. Abby says making both Justin and Maddie nod unsure of where it was going. "We need both of you to stay at the top of your game so we can keep the name of the school perfect." Coach says.

"So today both of you will stay after school until six practicing. After five the gym will be empty other than the two of you. Can you share the gym floor politely and still get done what needs to be done?" Ms. Abby asks making Justin and Maddie speak at the same time. "Yes."

"Alright then we will leave each of you an agenda of what you need to work on but until then get back to work." Coach says and the teens go back to the separate ends of the gym as they start practicing.

All the teams were now leaving and Zach quickly ran over to Maddie who was sitting waiting for everyone to leave. "Hey Mads do I need to come back and get you?" He asks but Justin walks up speaking for her. "Nah we'll walk home." Justin says and Zach looks to Maddie who nods. "It's Friday so Mom won't be home till late tonight." Maddie says and Zach nods. "See you tomorrow. Love you." Zach says before running out to his car most likely to go straight to Bryces.

Maddie and Justin both grab the agenda that was laid out for them and read through it. "I have all of this done already, you?" Justin asked though he already knew the answer, of course she did. "Yeah. You just wanna go home?" Maddie asks grabbing her bag when Justin nods doing the same as they walk out of the school building to walk to Maddies house.


	12. Chapter eleven

They walked to Maddies empty house due to the fact that Zach was at Bryces already, May was at a sleepover, and her mother was at work and would be for a few more hours. "Movie night?" Justin asks as he enters Maddies room, they always had a movie night, though their movie nights unlike other couples would only happen around once a month and they never really focused on the moive just each other. "Yeah, you know where my snacks are." Maddie says closing her bedroom door and locking it just in case because she would be in trouble for having a boy over. Justin, after slipping his shoes off and setting them near her bed, opened the small locked cabinet within her small nightstand that held all her snacks. She couldn't bring snacks into her house due to the fact with her mother they had a strict diet that nobody, other than her mother, followed. Justin pulled out two different kinds of chips, two cans of soda, and several different small bags of candy. "Movie?" Justin asks as he opens his soda and hands Maddie her can as she sits down near the headboard on her bed. "Whatevers in, not like we're gonna pay attention anyways." Maddie says smiling as she opens her can and takes a drink as she presses play on 'the fate of the furious.'

The movie was playing in the backround while Maddie and Justin laughed together as the sprayed whipped cream on each other. Maddie had it smeared on her face and so did Justin, and in his hair. Justin laughed as Maddie practically threw her weight on top of him to smear the sticky cream through his hair laughing at the results. After about ten minutes of Justin laying on his back with Maddie on top of them and both of them laughing they sit up, Maddie still on his lap. "You need a shower." Maddie says laughing running her hand through his hair making his hair clump together into a weird position opon his head and her hand became even stickier due to the large amount of cream in her hair. "So do you." He says laughing at the cream that made it to where he could barley see her actual face. "I can just rinse it out in the sink you need it out of your hair." Maddie says and Justin nods. "Alright. Clean your face first." He says laughing letting his hold on her waist drop as she leaves his lap to clean her face off in the bathroom that was connected to her bedroom.

"Alright take your shower. Make it quick." Maddie says throwing him a blue towel as she walks in. "Okay I'll be out in a few minutes." He says going into the bathroom and closing the door.

After about ten minutes, true to his words, Justin walked out of the bathroom this time not wearing his shirt but holding it. "Put your shirt on." Maddie says chuckling and blushing, though she had seen him shirtless multipule times before and during dating it always held the same impact on her. "The moment you stop blushing at me being shirtless will be the moment you stop loving me." Justin teases throwing his shirt over his head and running a hand through his hair small droplets of water dropping to his forhead. After that moment they simply layed on her bed, now only holding them as Maddie had put away the food, with Maddies head resting on his chest and Justins hands in her hair and on her waist. They talked, watched the movie that kept replaying, laughed, and after a while just sat in silence. Maddie had fallen asleep due to the small movements of Justins fingers through her hair but jolted awake when she heard a car pull into the driveway. She looked to the clock that was sat on her nightstand and it read 10:00pm. Maddie sat up and Justin did the same looking at her to see what she wanted to do. "Do you want to stay tonight or do you want to go home?" Maddie asks and Justin immeditally responded with the answer she had hoped, stay. "Okay. Closet." She said pushing him in the closet and telling him to lock it as the lock for the door was on the inside of the knob. Maddie quickly got up to turn off her TV and light as well as unlock her bedroom door. She ran back to the bed and went under the covers to act as she had been asleep or at least like she was trying too. Her mother opened the door to her room and turned on her light. "Madison. Wake up." Her mother says as she stands in the doorway and Maddie pretends to flinch at the light and sluggishly sit up. "Maddie." She corrects as she rubs her eyes with a squint acting how she would if she had just been awaken from her sleep.

"I told you I wanted to speak with you." She says ignoring her comment as she sits on the edge of Maddies bed. "Okay." Maddie says nodding hoping it wouldn't take too long and was wondering what it was about due to the boy who was sitting in the closet of her room. "I got a call from the school. They said you skipped a few classes and haven't been doing your work. Now you know that is not allowed." She says her voice calm though it made Maddies heart race as she nods. "I'm sorry. It won't happen again." Maddie says looking down and surprisingly her mother took it as an answer. "Alright." She says nodding obviously tired. "Don't let it happen again. If it does you'll have to hear something you don't want too." Her mother says making Maddies eyebrows furrow but she didn't press the topic as her mother closed the door after turning off the light and Maddie went to her closet door after the hall light went off. "You're good." She whispers and the closet door opens and shuts after Justins body makes its way into her room once again.

Justin walked to her bed, that even in the complete darkness he knew where it started, and climbed in and under the purple cover she now had layed on it. "Come here." He said his voice low enough for her mother to not hear but loud enough for her too. Maddie smiled which she knew he couldn't see but she didn't know that he could almost feel it as she climbed under the cover as well. She laid with her right leg draped across his waist and her right arm was across his torso hugging him while her head laid opon his chest. Justin laid calmly under her with his right hand in her hair and his left holding her arm. They both simply drifted off into a hopefully calm sleep with Justins hand still ranking through her now mess of hair.


	13. Chapter tweleve

Maddie woke up to a pillow sat between her arms instead of her boyfriend and a crumbled note laying beside her. She sat up yawning and stretching, several cracking nosies coming from her body as she uncrumbled the paper. She read over it with a small tired smile Woke up early, hope you slept well call later. Love you. The note on the ripped and crumble peice of yellow paper had Justins messy script on the first line. After reading it she threw the paper into her small empty metal trashcan. She grabbed her outfit for the day and went into her bathroom ready to take a shower.

After finishing her shower and changing she came out into her room setting her old clothes into the dirty basket and bringing the basket downstairs to set next to the washing machine since it was laundry day. When she walked back through planning to go to her room she seen her mother standing in the kitchen drinking her coffee, this suprised Maddie since her mother normally was up and had her coffee at seven and it was now nine. Maddie sat in the seat she always did and smiled at her mother. "Hey mama. How'd you sleep?" Maddie asks setting her arms on the table as she looked at her mother. "I slept well thank you. How did you sleep?" Her mother asked her back before picking up the house phone. "Great." Maddie said with a smile while she watched her mother. "I need to go pick up May and then I need to drop her off at her practice for her concert, I will be at work until late tonight so you and Zach need to make dinner and Zach will be picking up May after her practice I expect to see all of you in bed when I get home, no loud music, finish your homework, watch May, and you need to practice on your dancing. I know all of you have events coming up so I need you all to stay inside unless Zach needs to practice outside then he and who ever his practice buddies are may practice in the back yard. Got it?" Her mother asks quickly after explaining the whole days plan making Maddie nod her head. Her mother smiled as she grabbed her purse and kissed Maddies head and went to the door and before fully leaving turned back around. "Keep the door locked, Zach has a key, take your medicine it's in the cabinet like always." She said before locking the door and leaving. Maddie rolled her eyes at the last part, she was always being told to take her medicine, and she hated it. She hated being babied and that's what it felt like to her, being told to take her medicine everyday, though she knew she needed the medicine she didn't like taking it or being told to do so. With a sigh she walked out and grabbed the small circler bottle of pills spilling a few into her hand to only keep one and drop the others back into the bottle. After a few minutes simply sitting in silence she walked back into her room and grabbed her bag and slipped out the cassett player and headphones. She jumped back onto her bed and layed down after slipping on the headphones, she figured this would be the best time as she would be alone since May and Zach wouldn't be back for at least an hour and a half.

"Shh. For this next one, you need to be very, very quiet. Because you're about to do something very wrong. Be careful. And don't get caught. Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to watch someone? To invade someone's privacy? Do you wonder what secrets you might uncover? What skeletons you might turn up? Well for this one, you're about to find out. A-4 on your maps, kid." With a sigh Maddie quickly grabbed the shoe box that was hidden under her bed and pulled it up grabbing the map that had Hannahs drawings and script. She quickly placed the cassett player into her front pocket and made sure placed where it wouldn't fall out and clicked play again after sliding her keys in her pocket and running outside to follow where the map lead her.

"Now, don't say you're too afriad or that you don't feel comfortable doing this kind of thing, because guess what? You spy on people everyday. Following someone. And being followed. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram they've made us a society of stalkers and we love it. My once friend Maddie brought my eyes too it and she openly admitted she loved to do it, though what this tape is about is not socially stalking someone." As maddie slightly jogged she turned down the side of the road to see several houses but stopped opon hearing her name in Hannahs voice. It took a second to feel her breath come again when she realized this wasn't her tape and what Hannah had said about her meant nothing bad on her part, hopefully.

"Stalking someone in real life is a whole nother thing. That's right. I had a stalker. And if you've made it to A-4, you're outside his window. Just like I am right now." Maddies breath caught in her throat, when she was recording these she must have been going to the places just like them, reliving the memories, and by the pain held in Hannahs voice she could tell her guess was right.

"Any guesses yet? No? Well, stay tuned to hear about the skeletons he dug up. For now let's see if he's got any of his own. My heart's pounding right now. Can you hear it? Listen." Maddie could tell she had put the microphone she was using to record her words to her chest because she could hear the rapid beat of Hannahs heart and she was sure if she had done the same thing to her own she would get the same result. She was freaking out, it was the middle of the day and she was standing outside someones window and disobeying her mothers rules. She was looking through the window searching for anything to tell her whose room it was. Whose window. She wanted to know and she wasn't sure how long it would be until she was caught and would have to run. She looked over the room and couldn't see much other than a computer and a few books other than that it was normal, until something caught her eye. There was a camera on the bed, the same camera that followed her around the school, lately though it had been following her less and less to where she had only see it flash in her direction once and that was Monday, but this was enough to make her head spin like most information she was getting through Hannahs voice on a cassett player. Her heart rate quickened and she backed away from the window. What if he had been stalking her and she never noticed. She started back down the road hoping she wouldn't have to go back there.

"Welcome to your tape, Tyler Down. So, tell me when did it start? How long were you watching me, Tyler? I didn't really think anything of it at first." Maddies eyebrows furrowed in confusion what did she mean she didn't think anything of it? It was a stalker, nonetheless, she clicked play ready to listen.

"It must have been the sound of a tree branch in the wind. But the sound followed me. I was too scared to move. Even to shut the blinds. I didn't sleep much that night. But the pictures you took that night aren't the reason you're on this tape." As Maddie turned down the crub to go to her house it suddenly dawned on her, there was a picture that had floated around the school of her kissing a girl who she didn't know, Tyler must have taken it. Taking her earbuds out and shoving them in her pocket with her cassett player she quickly ran the rest of the way home. With her body being used to pushing itself past where she should stop with extra-size she was just barley getting home when her breathing became heavier. She unlocked the house door not bothering to look at the driveway to see if her brothers car would be there since she didn't think she had spent much time out, but, she was quickly proven wrong when she seen her brother pacing the livingroom with is hands on his head and her sister standing near the couch as she kept saying. "She's probably just on a walk." When she shut the door she gathered the attention of both her brother and her sister both quickly moving and pulling her into a hug. "Next time leave a note or Zach's going to loose his mind." May says laughing making them all laugh and Zach let out a breath. "Seriously though leave a note or text me it's easy Mads, you had me worried sick." He said and Maddie nodding walking back to her room to set her cassett player and headphones on her bed and shut the door when she walks back out to watch a movie with her siblings.


	14. Chapter thirteen

For what seemed to be the first time in the past week Maddie was up on her normal time having to wake everyone else up and everyone was greatful that they wouldn't be running late as they seemed to be all last week. Maddie shoved her walkman and earbuds into her bag and threw both of them over her shoulder as she walked into the kitchen with a smile as she grabbed an apple and slipped on her sneakers and threw her dance shoes into her bag before sitting on the couch playing on her phone waiting for Zach to be done so they could leave to do to school. After about ten minutes of waiting May walked into the kitchen with her bag and her black case with her flute. "Hey Maddie." May says smiling as she was always a morning person, Maddie not being one still looked as if she should sleep for another three hours. "Morning May." Maddie says smiling lightly as she refused to let a rude remark leave her mouth from the fact she was still tired. "How'd you sleep?" May asks her voice flowing smoothly as she sat her bag and insturment case down on the floor beside the loveseat she sat in. "Better than last week." Maddie says sitting up more so she is looking at May politely. "I was wondering if something has been bothering you latley? You've been a little distant and you're normally only like that when something is bothering you." May asks and it makes Maddie bite the inside of her cheek. Maddie and May being the two only young girls in the family had learned to confiden in the other, for Maddie it was easy because it was the same with her and Zach except with May it was her time to be protective. Maddie sighed, she couldn't tell May but she had never lied to her before either. "Yeah, something has been bothering me." Maddie said sighing once again. "Well if you need to talk to someone you can talk to me, and if nothing else you can hang out with me if you need something to get it off your mind." May says with the same sweet kind smile that Maddie had grown accustomed to, May knew when Maddie wanted to talk and when she didn't so she decided not to push it and Maddie was greatful for that and she was greatful for the offer to hang out as they hadn't done much of it lately. Zach walked into the room his bags on his shoulders and shoes on nodding to Maddie signaling that it was time to leave so Maddie smiles and hugged May lightly. "Yeah I think I'll take you up on that soon." Maddie said with a small wink making both the girls giggle as Maddie left to the car with Zach and as if a spell hit her she was magically asleep until the car rolled into the parking lot. "Mads we're here." Zach said shaking the small girl by her arm having her wake up and rub her eyes lightly. "Alright." She groaned getting out of the car and walking to the backseat to grab her bags and she yelped when she felt arms wrap around her waist but laughed when they lighted her and turned her around she landed on her feet facing Justin Foley both of them laughing and smiling. Maddie shook her head laughing as she shut the door after slinging her backpack on her shoulders deciding to leave her dance bag in the car until the last half of school. Zach had already walked off leaving the couple alone.

Maddie walked with Justins arm around her both weirdly happy for a Monday morning. "You didn't text or call me." Justin reminds the girl of his note with a teasing tone. "Oh yeah, sorry I got caught up." She says looking down as she adjusts her bags strap as she recalls the events of her being outside Tyler Downs window and listening to his tape. "Nah it's fine, I figured you were busy or else I would have bugged you myself, so uh, how far are you?" Justin asks his voice in a lower tone so not everyone around them would hear and become curious as it normally happened with their group since everyone liked to cause drama. "I just finished Tylers." Maddie said her voice fitting his as she looked around the hallway. Justin nodded as he kept his arm around her shoulders and rubbed them. "How are you holding up?" Justin asked and he took notice of how she didn't have any bags under her eyes and she was her normal skin tone, and he was happy she seemed to be back to her normal self though he knew it was only temperary. "I'm good, I still have a lot of questions, but those can't be answered by anyone here." Maddie said with a small sad smile as she shrugged to the boy leaning up against one of the many lockers and Justin doing the same while looking down at her. "I wish I had the answers for you." Justin said and Maddie smiles at him moving her arm up so she was holding his hand with hers without him having to move. Maddie opened her mouth about to respond to her boyfriend when their attention was brought to the group of boys they were unlucky enough to call their friends who were causing a comotion down the hall. Maddie sighed looking down letting her hand slip from Justins. "You're okay, go." Maddie said with a small teasing smile as she looked up to her boyfriend who now looked down at her. "I'll walk you to second." Justin says pressing a quick kiss to her head as he begins to move away. "Keep em' safe!" Maddie shouts with a smile watching her boyfriend run down the hall. "Always do!" He shouts back as she begins to turn around the small happy shortlived smile wiped off her face when she was met by Tyler Down standing in front of her, this confused her due to the fact he had left her alone all last week, why was it different now? Maybe he thought she got to his tape faster and needed time to cool off? She wasn't sure, all she knew was him being near her was close to the last thing she wanted. "Madison Dempsey, I haven't see you in a while." Tyler said watching her almost as if testing his bounderies with the know short tempered girl. "Tyler Down, it's been great not seeing you." Maddie said sassily as she hooks her thumbs around the arms of her backpack though she felt sick and nervous being this close to the boy and wanted nothing more than to walk the other way.

"Why are you still with him?" Tyler asks his voice was normal and the curiousity was real due to the fact he knew she had the tapes he just wasn't sure how far she had gotten or if she had finished them. Maddie rolled her eyes as she kept walking with the tall lean boy following shortly behind her. "Because I love him." She said almost as if it were obvious. "How far have you gotten?" Tyler asks a sudden boost of confidence coming his way realizing she hadn't gotten far enough for her to loose her trust in the boy. "Far enough to know you're a stalking creep who needs to leave me alone!" Maddie all but shouted as she turned around to face him her arms flailing out from the arms of her bag and all attention was now on the girl who, not for the first or last time, caused a scene. "I'm not a creep." Tyler tried to defend himself in a calm voice not realizing with the girls sudden shout and the hallway becoming silent that the boys she was associated with would come bounding down the hallway. "Hey get away from her!" Justin shouted running forward with the rest of his friends trailing behind him. Tyler was quick to run away and the hallway began to becoming noisy with the chatter of the other students though some still kept their eyes on the couple that stood in the middle of the hallway. Justin wasn't sure if the reason he had called off the boy was because of what he had did to Hannah or because of his fear of her finding out something before he had the time to prepare to handle the girl and the hurt that would come all their ways.


	15. Chapter fourteen

Maddie sighed while sinking into her seat which was beside an opened window since they were supposed to be working on their essays, though Maddie had hers done the day it was assigned. Maddie looked out the window to see Justin and Bryce sitting on one of the benches having a conversation that Maddie couldn't make out though she could see the obvious anger written on both of the boys faces. The conversation, or arguement, kept going until Bryce felt a stare and looked up making eye contact with Maddie who immeditatly after being caught looked down. Justin sighed seeing what Bryce was staring at and knew he would have to make something up to keep Maddie from trying to figure out what it was, Maddie was beyond confused but when she seen the two boys sigh and walk away from each other she shook her head telling herself it was one of their disagreements that would be solved by lunch and she put in her ear buds after putting in the new tape. Maddie was unsure of if she should hit the play button, so far her day seemed good, she had enough sleep and everything was going her way, but she shook her head yet again and hit the play button setting the walkman in her lap as she opened her laptop to proof read her essay though it was already sent into her teacher to grade.

"Boys are assholes. Some are assholes all of the time, all are assholes some of the time. That's just how boys are. Well, maybe not all boys. " Maddie nodded her head lightly in agreement to the words being spoken by the past girl as she numbly pressed the down arrow on her computers keyboard. Justin was definitly one of the assholes she had been talking about no doubt and Maddie couldn't help but wonder if Clay was the boy she was mentioning in that instant. Maddie was never very close with the awkward boy but she knew of him, he was friends with Jeff and he was probably the nicest person to Hannah, Hannah had even confided in Maddie about her infactuation with the jacket wearing boy, though Maddie wasn't lucky enough to know how that had ended, or if it had even started.

"Mostly boys are assholes. But girls? Girls can be evil." Maddies now shaking hand quickly pressed the pause button. The first words in the tape had made Maddie believe that the tape would be pointed towards a boy, making it slightly easier to listen, now she knew that it would be to a girl, and she was nervous it was pointed towards her. Her breathing and heart rate would have gone down if she had thought about the fact she hadn't heard Zachs tape yet and he was before her, but yet, she wasn't thinking.

"Courtney Crimsen, what a pretty name. And what a pretty girl, with her perfect family. Coffee together every morning." Hannahs voice sounded full of envy, and also full of longing. Maddie kept telling herself to just simply listen to the words and to stop thinking so deep into it yet she couldn't help herself. It was a problem she had, she always wanted to be involed, always wanted to help. And even though she was too late to help Hannah she was still trying as if Hannah were still here and Maddie could walk right up to her and help her through what was happening, she couldn't, it was too late.

"And you're also very nice, Courtney. Everyone says so." Maddie couldn't help but furrow her eyebrows. She had never liked Courtney much, mostly because she was actually very rude, Maddie being one of the people who stuck up for herself, and others, had multiple arguements and debates with the girl and she knew she was not that nice, granted she wasn't the worst person at liberty she was not the nicest either. And then another thing had struck Maddies mind, if she was so nice how did she end up with a tape? Had everyone on the tapes been terrible to the queit girl? Or was she simple adding in the people she was closest too? Yet again unaware of the answer she pressed play.

"You're nice to everyone, all the time. You're one of the most popular girls in school. You're just so...nice. Right? Wrong. I hoped we could be friends, Courtney. I needed a friend. I think you did too. You had some secrets you needed to keep, even from yourself." The bell sounded signaling that it was time to leave first period. Maddie took in a sharp breath and pressed pause taking out her ear buds and pushing them into her bag along with her walkman and logs out of the laptop getting up to leave. "Alright, I want those essays sent in by nine o'clock tonight or ten points is deducted each day it's late. Madison please stay after class." The teacher says bored as if she had resited this line athoasand times and Maddie sighs leaning against her counter waiting for the other students to leave nodding to Justin showing she was alright. "I have read and graded your essay Ms. Demspey. I must say this is some of your best work." Maddie let out a sigh at the teachers words afraid that the teacher was going to say how it needed to be improved. "Actually I wanted to know if you would be interested in an advanced writing group. There are only a few other students in it and it would look amazing on your college appilication." The word college made Maddies breath stopped she hated thinking about the future mostly because she was scared of the unknown, and for Maddie, college was the biggest unknown she had. "I would love that thank you." Maddie said uneasy as she nods her head. "Alright, wonderful I will have the papers for you tomorrow, and you can start whenever you have them filled out, you may leave now." She says and Maddie smiles nodding to her and leaving the classroom. "Mads that's awesome! You can finally further your writing." Justin says smiling brightly down at his shorter girlfriend and Maddie couldn't help but smile impressed that he had paid so much attention to rambles of what she wanted to do. "Thanks J." Maddie said blushing as she turned to go into her next class. "Hey, we'll talk at lunch alright?" Justin asks and she knew he was refurring to her catching his and Bryces interaction and she nods walking into the class room.

"For days after Tylers picture went around I tried to catch your eye. You acted like I wasn't alive for weeks. Soon I decided enough was enough, I went to talk to you. I mean we were in this together, weren't we? Turn the tape over for more." The click showing the end of the audio stopped and Maddie was able to let out a breath taking out her earbuds and putting them into her pockets. She was slightly confused, if she hadn't been in the loop to know the awful rumors and things that Courtney had brought up and threw around the school she would have thought Hannah had made a mountain out of a mole hill. Her mind raced, the way it seemed too after each tape, the way peoples minds raced during a test they didn't prepare for, it made her feel sick. She closed her eyes and took in a breath. How could Courtney throw around lies as easily as she did? She threw lies around about someone who did nothing too her because she didn't want the truth about herself to come up? Did Courtney not know how much of a wrong she had done? Maddie opened her eyes and looked to the front of the room where the black haired girl sat, thankfully her back was too Maddie so she didn't catch the hard glare that was sent her way. Courtney looked the same as she did any day, dressed nice, head high, and her ego higher. Maddie wanted to cause a scene so badly it made her hands shake to stay in her seat. She wasn't sure what had made her so upset about this, maybe it was the fact that Courtney had done so many things wrong to so many people and got away with it, maybe it was how she acted as if she never did anything,or maybe it was the stress of worrying about what she did to people. The bell rang and just like any day Courtney grabbed her books into one arm and pulled her long purse strap up with the other being the first person out of the classroom.

Maddie quickly threw her bags onto her arms and all but ran out of the room with a plan in mind, though it wasn't finished or actually thought out all she did was let her feet guide her to the girl. "Hey Mads-" Her brother started as he stood beside her boyfriend ready to walk with her too lunch but he was cut off by the girls abrupt walk out of the classroom. With unsure look between the two boys they simply and reluctantly walked off to the lunch room. When Maddie caught up to the girl she grabbed her shoulder and yanked her into the bathroom to the right with a squeak from Courtneys mouth. Lucky there was no other girls since most were in the lunch room or in the bathroom closer to it, so she could lock it with a sigh and a deep breath. Courtneys hair had been scrunched up near her shoulder showing how the low held ponytail almost fell out and her purse was down her arm. "What do you want?" Courtney asks her voice sounded squeaky but yet snarky. "How could you do that to Hannah?" Maddie asked, this was what she hoped to be her breaking point, she had put up through everything and this was the most crazy thing she had done in a long time and it wasn't even that bad, so she hoped it would end here and her mind would be clear and everything would be over. But sadly that's not really how things work, is it?


	16. Chatper fifteen

Maddie stood against the door staring at Courtney with a hard glare waiting for her to speak. Courtney's face, which a few seconds ago had been angry, was now slack. "You finally got them." Courtney simply says ignoring the question that came from Maddie's lips. "Yeah. So why the hell would you do that to Hannah?" Maddies voice was hard as she spoke, what Courtney had done was wrong and unfair but then again so was what everyone else did. "Don't play that game with me Dempsey." Courtneys snarky voice came back this time slightly more confident even though it still snaked around her brain that if she kept this up Maddie could ruin her social life, and that's really what seemed to matter most to her in this time. "What game?" Maddie asks standing up straighter so her back was off the wall and her arms were crossed. "The dumb game. We both know why you're really here." She spoke head held high proud of herself while Maddies head tilted slightly while her eyes squinted at the shorter girl. The reason she was here was quite simple, she wanted to understand how she could do that to Hannah and not feel bad, everyone else on the tape that she knew of had done awful things and she could at least see times where it messed with them. Courtney shook her head bringing her left hand to clamp around the arm of her purse and her right to hold her left tightly. "You're here because you finally realized that they just keep getting worse, and you finally realized your tape isn't coming for a while." Maddie sucked in a breath while she was speaking, she had thought about that a few times and maybe that was why she had done this, but honestly she could never be sure. "Let's make this quick, because unlike you I like to eat and I have actual things to do to better my life." Courtneys comment had struck a nerve and she had wanted to start a whole new conversation just for that snarky comment, but Courtney kept going with her statement. "I'm not going to tell you what you did, or what anyone else for that matter so just let me go and I won't mention to the principal that this ever happened." Maddie sighed uncrossing her arms and moving away from the now unlocked door and left following after Courtney. She was completely upset with how that had went because now it was wrapping around her brain even more, she must be at the bottom of the list or something, but she refused to let this get to her. She sucked in a calm breath and made her way to the lunch room where she knew the boys and Jessica would be.

"Hey there she is." Monty shouts laughing while pointing towards the girl who was walking slightly behind Courtney and giving her a glare as she turned left and Maddie kept going to her seat next to Justin. "What was that about?" Bryce asks laughing.

"Yeah please tell me you beat the bitches ass, I mean it's about time someone does." Monty says and everyone at the table begins their agreements to the statements about their shared hatred for Courtney. Normally Maddie would be the lead of this conversation, anytime there was a topic about someone who was hated Maddie ran the conversation since she could rant for hours on end without seeming to take a single breath inbetween, she had these conversations about many people, and actually the most popular conversation between the group was Maddies hatred for her freshmen English teacher who gave her, her first B. She was supposed to retired but switched and taught Math for 10th grade and is still in the building, but today she couldn't, she couldn't get her mind off of Courtneys words. While everyone else was keeping the conversation going Maddie picked up her phone and tapped on one of her, many, groupchats.

My Boys3

(Justin, Zach, Mads.)

Mads:

So can you at least tell me how bad my tape is?

Zach:

Mads plz stop stressing abt this.

Justin:

Yeah babe it's fucking with u and u really need to stop giving it all of ur attention

Mads:

All I'm asking is that you tell me how bad my tape is.

And Justin I'm giving it my attention because this

should not be forgetten.

Justin:

Alright I get that but like it doesn't need to weigh u down so much

and take all of your attention

Zach:

I can't tell you a lot but you are not even close to the worst.

Mads:

Thanks, and fine it won't have all my attention

but they'll have a lot of it until I get through them.

After sending her text she got up from her lunch table and walked away going towards her next class. She felt relieved that she wasn't the worst tape within the set but it still didn't set her mind at ease, and another thing that kept going through her brain that she had to keep pushing out. How is Justin acting as if nothing happened? Maybe it was because he barley did anything wrong and he didn't care about the other people. In all honesty she wasn't so sure if she fully cared about the other peoples wrong doings either, maybe she just wanted to make herself feel as if she wasn't truely the bad guy.

Maddie had gotten her schedule slightly switched around to fit with the advanced writing program her teacher had mentioned and she would start going to them tomorrow, but today her classes would stay the same. She walked into the classroom that was empty other than the teacher writting on the board since she was slightly early and she put in her ear buds ready to listen to the next words of Hannahs past voice.

"Do you remember the oh my dollar Valentine?" Hannahs first few words made Maddies eyebrows scrunch up slightly as she remembered the pink slip of paper that was given out to a student if they had given a dollar, Maddie had to help work on it last year when Hannah got hers. Last year they had run short of people that wanted to help so Courtney had put out a paper around the school for help, to no surprise nobody wanted to help so the dance coach had put them on the duty of helping.

"Those were fun weren't they? You fill out a survey and for just a buck you get the name and number of your one true soulmate." Maddie slightly cringed at Hannahs words, sure it true that's how they advertised it around the school but Maddie never liked the word soulmate. 'Soulmate' implied you were always in love always happy, right? At least that's what Maddie always grew up hearing. Though Maddie thought that being able to have a soulmate was being able to grow with them, and can you ever really grow without some very small fights? It just makes the relationship stronger. But maybe Maddie misunderstood. She wasn't sure. But all she knew was, she had never and probably never would, believe in soulmates.

"And hey all proceeds go to a worthy cause. Cheer and dance camp. The dollar Valentine was a two parter. Describe yourself. And describe what you're looking for in someone else." That always confused Maddie, describe what you're looking for in someone else, can you really describe who and what you want? She never found that fair, once again maybe her brain was just different than everyone elses but she never did that. She knew what she didn't want. And that was a very small list. She refused to be with someone who didn't respect her or her wishes and dreams, and she couldn't be with someone who she was either fighting with all the time or someone who would hurt her. Other than that she figured she'd have to be with other people to figure out what she did and didn't want in a relationship.

"And as I filled mine out I realized I was actually describing a certain someone. You'd think if my answers all described one person, that person would at least apprear in my top five. But no. I didn't match up to the one person who might really have been right." Hannahs voice was strained once again like reliving getting her results were hard for her, and maybe she would understand when she kept going on but Maddie didn't know who she matched up with or who she didn't. Also how could she be so upset about it when her soulmate might not even have gone to our school, did Hannah truly believe whoever she got on the paper was her soulmate? How could anyone have five soulmates? Yet again there was another unanswered question to rack through Maddies mind.


	17. Chapter sixteen

Maddie stood against the door staring at Courtney with a hard glare waiting for her to speak. Courtney's face, which a few seconds ago had been angry, was now slack. "You finally got them." Courtney simply says ignoring the question that came from Maddie's lips. "Yeah. So why the hell would you do that to Hannah?" Maddies voice was hard as she spoke, what Courtney had done was wrong and unfair but then again so was what everyone else did. "Don't play that game with me Dempsey." Courtneys snarky voice came back this time slightly more confident even though it still snaked around her brain that if she kept this up Maddie could ruin her social life, and that's really what seemed to matter most to her in this time. "What game?" Maddie asks standing up straighter so her back was off the wall and her arms were crossed. "The dumb game. We both know why you're really here." She spoke head held high proud of herself while Maddies head tilted slightly while her eyes squinted at the shorter girl. The reason she was here was quite simple, she wanted to understand how she could do that to Hannah and not feel bad, everyone else on the tape that she knew of had done awful things and she could at least see times where it messed with them. Courtney shook her head bringing her left hand to clamp around the arm of her purse and her right to hold her left tightly. "You're here because you finally realized that they just keep getting worse, and you finally realized your tape isn't coming for a while." Maddie sucked in a breath while she was speaking, she had thought about that a few times and maybe that was why she had done this, but honestly she could never be sure. "Let's make this quick, because unlike you I like to eat and I have actual things to do to better my life." Courtneys comment had struck a nerve and she had wanted to start a whole new conversation just for that snarky comment, but Courtney kept going with her statement. "I'm not going to tell you what you did, or what anyone else for that matter so just let me go and I won't mention to the principal that this ever happened." Maddie sighed uncrossing her arms and moving away from the now unlocked door and left following after Courtney. She was completely upset with how that had went because now it was wrapping around her brain even more, she must be at the bottom of the list or something, but she refused to let this get to her. She sucked in a calm breath and made her way to the lunch room where she knew the boys and Jessica would be.

"Hey there she is." Monty shouts laughing while pointing towards the girl who was walking slightly behind Courtney and giving her a glare as she turned left and Maddie kept going to her seat next to Justin. "What was that about?" Bryce asks laughing.

"Yeah please tell me you beat the bitches ass, I mean it's about time someone does." Monty says and everyone at the table begins their agreements to the statements about their shared hatred for Courtney. Normally Maddie would be the lead of this conversation, anytime there was a topic about someone who was hated Maddie ran the conversation since she could rant for hours on end without seeming to take a single breath inbetween, she had these conversations about many people, and actually the most popular conversation between the group was Maddies hatred for her freshmen English teacher who gave her, her first B. She was supposed to retired but switched and taught Math for 10th grade and is still in the building, but today she couldn't, she couldn't get her mind off of Courtneys words. While everyone else was keeping the conversation going Maddie picked up her phone and tapped on one of her, many, groupchats.

My Boys3

(Justin, Zach, Mads.)

Mads:

So can you at least tell me how bad my tape is?

Zach:

Mads plz stop stressing abt this.

Justin:

Yeah babe it's fucking with u and u really need to stop giving it all of ur attention

Mads:

All I'm asking is that you tell me how bad my tape is.

And Justin I'm giving it my attention because this

should not be forgetten.

Justin:

Alright I get that but like it doesn't need to weigh u down so much

and take all of your attention

Zach:

I can't tell you a lot but you are not even close to the worst.

Mads:

Thanks, and fine it won't have all my attention

but they'll have a lot of it until I get through them.

After sending her text she got up from her lunch table and walked away going towards her next class. She felt relieved that she wasn't the worst tape within the set but it still didn't set her mind at ease, and another thing that kept going through her brain that she had to keep pushing out. How is Justin acting as if nothing happened? Maybe it was because he barley did anything wrong and he didn't care about the other people. In all honesty she wasn't so sure if she fully cared about the other peoples wrong doings either, maybe she just wanted to make herself feel as if she wasn't truely the bad guy.

Maddie had gotten her schedule slightly switched around to fit with the advanced writing program her teacher had mentioned and she would start going to them tomorrow, but today her classes would stay the same. She walked into the classroom that was empty other than the teacher writting on the board since she was slightly early and she put in her ear buds ready to listen to the next words of Hannahs past voice.

"Do you remember the oh my dollar Valentine?" Hannahs first few words made Maddies eyebrows scrunch up slightly as she remembered the pink slip of paper that was given out to a student if they had given a dollar, Maddie had to help work on it last year when Hannah got hers. Last year they had run short of people that wanted to help so Courtney had put out a paper around the school for help, to no surprise nobody wanted to help so the dance coach had put them on the duty of helping.

"Those were fun weren't they? You fill out a survey and for just a buck you get the name and number of your one true soulmate." Maddie slightly cringed at Hannahs words, sure it true that's how they advertised it around the school but Maddie never liked the word soulmate. 'Soulmate' implied you were always in love always happy, right? At least that's what Maddie always grew up hearing. Though Maddie thought that being able to have a soulmate was being able to grow with them, and can you ever really grow without some very small fights? It just makes the relationship stronger. But maybe Maddie misunderstood. She wasn't sure. But all she knew was, she had never and probably never would, believe in soulmates.

"And hey all proceeds go to a worthy cause. Cheer and dance camp. The dollar Valentine was a two parter. Describe yourself. And describe what you're looking for in someone else." That always confused Maddie, describe what you're looking for in someone else, can you really describe who and what you want? She never found that fair, once again maybe her brain was just different than everyone elses but she never did that. She knew what she didn't want. And that was a very small list. She refused to be with someone who didn't respect her or her wishes and dreams, and she couldn't be with someone who she was either fighting with all the time or someone who would hurt her. Other than that she figured she'd have to be with other people to figure out what she did and didn't want in a relationship.

"And as I filled mine out I realized I was actually describing a certain someone. You'd think if my answers all described one person, that person would at least apprear in my top five. But no. I didn't match up to the one person who might really have been right." Hannahs voice was strained once again like reliving getting her results were hard for her, and maybe she would understand when she kept going on but Maddie didn't know who she matched up with or who she didn't. Also how could she be so upset about it when her soulmate might not even have gone to our school, did Hannah truly believe whoever she got on the paper was her soulmate? How could anyone have five soulmates? Yet again there was another unanswered question to rack through Maddies mind.


	18. Chapter seventeen

"Maybe it wasn't my fault, maybe none of us can say who we truly are. Maybe we're more than what the world sees." Hannahs seemed to be in deep thought while speaking her words and the words made a small sad smile come onto Maddies face. Sure Maddie was one of the people who never truly said who she was or what she was fully feeling and she knew several of those people, Justin was one, Zach was one, Hannah was one, and now, everyone else on the tapes were too.

"Or maybe we're less. Maybe none of us are who we seem. I always kinda liked Marcus." Hannahs words made Maddies scrunch up in disgust, Marcus was what Maddie would call a pig. Marcus thought he was higher than everyone else around him, he had to one up everyone else. And sure a lot of people do that, even Maddie did sometimes but it was different the way Marcus did it, because he had to put people down or lie to make himself seem better.

"He always seemed like a good guy. Then again they almost always do. Marcus welcome to your tape." Maddie didn't know that Hannah and Marcus really knew each other, then again she barley knew half of the stuff that had already been said, all she knew was that Marcus now had a tape and for some reason it didn't completely surprise her.

"What was it? Did you want to see if the rumors were true? Or did you just want to start some new ones of your own?" The way Hannahs voice tightened made Maddies chest do the same. She must of been referring to when the rumors of her sleeping around started to circlate. She already hated Marcus, just the thought of what he might have done made it worse, but she clicked play again not completely ready to hear what the snob of a boy had done.

"And I just keep thinking, If only someone else could of had me on their list, then maybe. Maybe, it could of all been different." The statement made Maddies eyebrows furrow once again. Marcus had gotten Hannah on his list? How? There was no way. Hannah was a sweet, shy girl with the wrong reputation which she didn't deserve. And even with all of that, there was no way Marcus could or should have gotten her.

"My parents were highschool sweethearts. So shoot me. I still believed in romance." Another sad smile came to Maddie. Sure Maddie wasn't lucky enough to see a lot of happy moments within relationships until she was ten, but that didn't mean others weren't as lucky. Maddie, even as a teenager who lost most hope for romance still held the tiniest of hope for someone to be romantic with or to her. Someone who would throw her birthday parties even when she claimed to not want them, someone to make a huge ask for prom even though she'd say yes to even just a text, someone to lay down rose petals and give her sweet notes. And she got who she believed to be one of the last men who would think to do that.

"I waited for you Marcus. And I just had to sit there. Wondering. Imagining. Playing over all the different situations in my mind. And all the while thinking that they all knew. Everyone in the whole place. That I'd been stood up. On Valentines day." Hannahs voice was sad and strained and it upset Maddie, had Marcus been so cruel as too take the time to invite Hannah to a date and then to stand her up and leave her? That kind of stuff never made sense to Maddie. Did men not have the balls to simply say "actually rain check." Or too even say "I don't want to go on a date with you." That was one way Maddie knew guys were assholes, because they could do things like that and never feel bad.

"I decided to give you one more chance. Stupid Hannah. And then you finally showed up. Except you weren't alone." Hannahs voice was now a mixture of boredem and annoyance and it made her believe that Hannah was unlucky enough to catch Marcus bringing another girl with him to where-ever they were going to have their date.

"And again you were funny Marcus. And I thought maybe..maybe just maybe it was gonna be alright. I couldn't move. I couldn't get up and leave. Or scream. Anything would have been better than sitting there thinking that somehow this was my fault." Hannahs words made Maddie sick to her stomach as she tried to not picture what she was talking about. She realized that Marcus must of brought some guys with him instead of another girl and Maddie wasn't sure how much more she could listen as she brought her arms around her stomach.

"Thinking I'd be alone for the rest of my life. But through it all I wanted to believe there were good guys in this world. I knew there were. I believed it." Maddies sudden stomach ache began to lift itself away from her as she realized what she was describing didn't fully happen, though that didn't make it any better.

"Fun fact. I did some resarch on tombstones the other day. The best one I could find was by this writer called Henry Charles Becalski Jr. On his tombstone he has an engraved picture of a boxer. And beneath the boxer. Two simple words. 'Don't Try.' I wonder what will be on mine." Hannah ended the tape with those words and then the click that was heard seconds after the silence that drowned out through the earbuds Maddie had in. She took her earbuds out to hear yet again nothing but silence. The classroom was working on a packet that Maddie had already done most of and she decided she'd simply finish the rest tonight and turn it in since it wasn't due till tomorrow. As she was slipping her earbuds and walkmen into her backpack there were a few voices heard coming through the hallway. Even though this was a normal thing since the teach never let them shut the door everyone sill had the tendency to look towards the door.

"Are you feeling me now Mr. Krabs?" The voices shouted with laughter as they ran through the halls and looked into the doors. The whole classroom was soon filled with laughter from even the teacher. Maddie even began to giggle until she seen the boys pass by, first it was Bryce, then Monty, then Zach, Justin, and soon it was more than half of the jock row that was jogging down laughing and saying things that made close to no sense, and this was not what kept her from laughing since normally it was always her friends that did the things like that, it was the boy that was in the back of the running line that made her face straighten up almost on an instant. Maddie hated this, she was beginning to hate and dread even seeing any of the people that were on the tapes and then something struck her mind. Why wasn't she mad at Justin? Would she be mad at Zach? How many more of her friends had a tape? But the one thing that she kept trying to keep from her mind came up in a large wave refusing to leave her mind. Would she hate herself?


End file.
